Troublesome: A Tale of Two Beds

On October 17^th, Chrabby published our previous blog post. The opinions and feelings of Chrabby were met by slight resistance, therefore we have decided to take a different approach this time around. We shall present simply true, short factual statements to describe the last encounter we deemed noteworthy.

Fact #1. On August 16th, when Chrabby first arrived in their room, their beds were stacked on top of each other. Chrabby communicated via a strategically placed and angled mirror on the desk shelves next to their beds.

Fact #2. On October 14, in order to ease communication (and also eliminate the terror of trying to climb down a bunk bed in the dark and without coffee) Chrabby de-bunked their beds and pushed them next to each other. The top bunk is around one mattress height taller than the bottom bunk, so the beds touched each other, but had a “step” in the middle.

Fact #3. On October 31, Chrabby was informed that the administration had ordered that their beds be moved apart.

Fact #4. On November 1, Chrabby was reminded to move their beds, this time with the explanation that they were “inappropriate” for dorm living.

Fact #5. On November 2, Chrabby had separate meetings with the dean, in which they were ordered to move their beds with the explanation that “it’s weird” and “it looks bad."

Background Fact #1. The Student Handbook does not mention any rule about students having their beds next to each other. The administration openly admits that there is no rule against parallel beds.

Background Fact #2. Chrabby personally knows other PHC students who have had their beds pushed together and have not been ordered to separate them.

An In-Depth Analysis of Communism at Patrick Henry College

Socialism. Communism.

Words with incredibly negative connotations. What ungodly events we associate with these words. What a terrible belief, a way of living. Certainly we would never find ourselves cleaving to the nasty parameters of Communism.

Right?

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you. The intensely analytical study of Patrick Henry College as a communist organization.

“Communism is a distinct socio-political philosophy that is willing to use violent means to attain its goal of a classless society. If capitalism is defined as a social system based on individual rights (and individual wealth), then communism is its direct opposite. Communism believes in equality through force. In its system, individual rights are ground to powder and used to build its idol of absolute government control.”

Absolute government control? Sound familiar? That’s right folks, we’re living under it. Communist principles are found all over PHC. Though most of us religiously claim to hold to the principles of freedom and small government, the cold hard truth is that the administration of PHC doesn’t practice what it preaches. For four years of our lives, we live under a large, intrusive government that regulates everything from what brand of shoes we wear to the religion that we practice.

Communism in Education: Are we being brainwashed at PHC?

Communist education:

Now let’s pick apart those two words. Communist. Education. We’ve already given you a definition for that. Anti-class, controlling equality, massive government. Now we have education. You could go on forever trying to figure out with a specific definition of education. Plenty of people have put forth their two sense of how young people should be educated. Whether it be by a village, a government, a parent, a professor—all day, or only a few hours, for free or for money, covered by taxes or donors—education is something that most everyone comes in contact to at one time or another.

But we don’t want to talk about all different kinds of education. We want to talk about Patrick Henry College. The statement of PHC claims “For Christ and for Liberty.” But do we really have liberty here? Are we not all taught the same thing in hopes of crafting us in to particular types of people? We are enforced with a dress code, so that all look the same. Nothing unusual, or designed to attract attention is allowed. That’s not even getting down to the education though. We are taught ‘critical thinking.’ But what is TRULY being taught is the SAME exact thing to each person: be what we want, say what we want, do what we want, influence the government how we want, go into business how we want, write what we want, walk like we want, live your life how we want. They encourage students to ‘lead our nation and shape our culture.’ They are conditioning us, and we are willing.

Now, I’m sure not a single student enrolled at PHC thinking that they were submitting themselves to a communist organization. And I’m even MORE sure that the administration would not admit to being communistic. The facts are laid out.

Communism in Religion: Why mandatory chapel is counterproductive.

Should a government be allowed to regulate the religion of its citizens? Most conservatives tremble at the thought. Unless, of course, it’s PHC (that’s totally okay). Homeschool parents can regularly be heard complaining about the secular colleges or public schools forcing agendas, but PHC does this unashamedly and provokes no such criticism. When it comes down to it, there is no difference between the two.

The problem with forced religion is that it is not real religion. Well, I mean, if you believe that religion consists of external behaviors, of course it can be forced. But if you believe that it is an internal matter, of the heart, there is absolutely nothing that an authority can do to force it. PHC doesn’t claim that chapel attendance will guarantee salvation, but it is “mandatory” for all students. Why? That’s a good question. The truth is; making chapel attendance mandatory actually does more harm than good.

If chapel attendance were optional, I would probably be there 80-90% of the time. Simply because I honestly value the opportunity to worship with others. And I would be there specifically for that purpose: worshipping, not checking facebook. But when something becomes, forced, mandatory, it immediately changes the entire substance of that activity. When we choose to participate in an activity, we have a personal investment in that activity. We’ve chosen to spend our time there, for the purpose of actually doing that activity. However, when an activity is forced, students are robbed of the opportunity to invest themselves in it. Without a personal investment, students lose nothing by checking facebook, texting, or being otherwise distracted.

PHC, if you truly want electronic distractions during chapel to stop, make chapel optional. Give us the option of being there because we want to be there. Let us invest our time and ourselves in our religion, instead of trying to force it onto us.

Communism in Everyday Life: Christians: blending in, or making statements?

Be not conformed to this world. Most of us Christian kids were told growing up that we were supposed to stand up and be different from the culture and our peers. To stand up for what we believe, and not be afraid of being different. Going against the grain is more than okay, our Sunday school teachers told us, it’s what we should be doing. And yet, at PHC, students are regularly forced into a mold. Cookie cutter Christians, we call them: people who are each exactly alike. From the way we think, the way we look, and the occupations that we are expected to pursue, PHC crams its students into its idea of what we should be.

One of the best demonstrations of PHC’s attempts at creating cookie-cutter followers is in the way they require them to look. There is much to be said about the benefits of a business casual dress code that encourages students to prepare for the way they will one day have to dress in their profession. However, when describing the code of how students are to wear/style their hair, the specific wording used in the Student Life Manual says students must avoid “unusual styles designed to attract attention.” The clear and blatant command to NOT be different, NOT have personal style, NOT do anything that takes away from the conformist image that PHC wishes all of its students to have. While PHC claims to promote ‘critical thinking’ and the ability to make a difference in the world today, what they REALLY promote is followers that cannot be told apart amongst themselves. 

A quick word about free speech: I’m not huge on most of PHC’s rules, but I can generally live under them in peaceful disagreement. There’s really only one that I can think of that I have a huge issue with. In the “Biblical Standards” section of the Student Handbook, rule number 9 states: “Students will not advocate non-Biblical sexual practices, such as extra-marital sex, homosexuality or homosexual ‘marriage.’” The reasons to support or oppose gay marriage could fill an entire blog, but the point here is that apparently the administration of PHC is allowed to dictate what we’re allowed to believe and say. If PHC was truly training leaders, who could think critically for themselves, we would be allowed to consider all options. Unfortunately, PHC doesn’t have that kind of faith in its students, feeding them only properly approved information.

Is PHC training leaders? Or is it training robots?

Homecoming, Bubble Fountains, Dr. Cox on Vegetarianism and Wildlife Slaughter

Homecoming Week: /def/ (n.) A week full of school spirit and class pride, full of activities, competitions, dressing up, and fun.

Sounds great, and awesome, and crazy, and all cool things combined, right?

But wait! A wild homework has appeared! Run away or fight? Well, the only choice here at PHC is to fight for your very life against the wild homeworks that come out of the tall grass…er, Lake Bob….er, professors. So while everyone else is having a wonderful time painting banners and making cakes and creating great memories of their first year at college that will last a life time…Chrabby is locked away in their room doing homework. On Saturday afternoon, while the entire student body (or all those who deemed it cool enough to participate in off their own free will) are dressed up in correspondence to their class mascot.

Where is Chrabby, you make ask? Sitting in Nash Auditorium for four and a half hours putting on a trial for Dr. G. Instead of making a cheer, we are practicing direct examinations. Instead of throwing on a jock outfit, we are in suits and heels. While we took our short break for lunch, we sat amongst a sea of hipsters, jocks, preps, and nerds. The true nerds, however, were none other than Chrabby, a suit surrounded by costumes.

In protest to having to spend the entire day in a suit, when we finally were free of our mock trial duties, (and after everyone else had changed back into street clothes) we donned our most obnoxious jock outfits and RULED the dining hall at dinner. We may have posed a slight violation of dress code in our short shorts/leggings combo, but after some of the getups we’d seen at lunch, that hardly seemed like a just travesty.

But one thing that positively topped homecoming weekend was the trip to Leesburg that resulted in the discovery of the Great Fountain of Bubbles. No, we did not put the bubbles in it! Jeez. We found it that way, and took advantage of it. (It told us no, but we knew it wanted it.) So as we came upon this fountain that was already over a foot deep in bubbles, we made a decision. Our options were: be mature, look at the fountain, and walk by; or, PLAY IN IT TO OUR HEARTS CONTENT, bury each other, throw it at each other, make bubble hats, bubble clothes, and bubble snowmen. *hint: we chose the second option.

While we were in the midst of our immaturity, a guy with a camera came up to us. Apparently he was a professional photographer taking a photo/video set for the restaurant right by the fountain, and decided that a bunch of college kids throwing bubbles at each other was a way cooler use of his time. So, he took pictures and videos of our little run in with the Great Fountain of Bubbles.

The best part: walking into a bowling alley for cosmic bowling with remnants of soap and bubbles in your hair and all over your clothes, and getting looks from all the employees like you’ve gone completely crazy. Win? Win.

On the Hazards of Being a Vegetarian at PHC

PHC prides itself in its uplifting, Christian community, and the way that people stick together, support, and encourage one another. Or so I was told before I came here. Since my arrival, I’ve learned of several critical things that they conveniently left out of their recruitment materials. The first was that in order to attend PHC, you’re supposed to be a proficient swing dancer. [Oops.] The second is that the whole spiel about the “uplifting community” doesn’t apply to those who choose not to eat meat.

Both halves of Chrabby happen to be vegetarians (and have been for years). I personally have it easier than Christina, who also has allergies to gluten and lactose. It can make eating in the dining hall a difficult experience. I mean…salad is great. But after a few weeks of nothing else it can get a little old, especially when you’re used to specialty food from home. But the difficulty we have in diversifying our diets pales in comparison to the other challenge presented to vegetarians at PHC. Vegetarians are hazed, by students and faculty alike.

Perhaps we should have expected it. Conservatives and homeschoolers stereotypically support the NRA, and cite the principles of the second amendment as if the foundation of our country depends on our permanent “right” to slaughter wildlife. I knew what I was getting into before I even got here, when someone posted on the Class of 2015 Facebook group, asking if there was any storage for guns off campus. Because God forbid a human should go for four months without killing something. I sarcastically posted something to that effect just to see what would happen, and sure enough, was mobbed by a bunch of hunting fanatics, all eager to turn me from my evil and misled ways. I don’t really want to be converted actually, but thanks anyway. 

What came as more of a surprise to me was the opinion of the faculty. Dr. Cox is famous for his stories about killing animals. Earlier last week I’d left class when he told a story about killing a rat with hedge clippers. When I walk into Theology I emotionally brace myself for animal cruelty, but when he got to the part about how the clippers didn’t go all the way through the rat, I couldn’t stay. In the next class, Dr. Cox was talking about how his neighbor would not allow him to shoot a deer that was on the neighbor’s property. He told the class that he could not morally shoot a deer that was standing two feet over the property line, but “as soon as that deer put its toe over the line” it would meet its brutal end. A bit confused about this aggression toward the deer, I asked him to reconcile his moral standard for me. Why did the neighbor’s boundaries matter so much compared to the life of the deer, which he took with so little thought? In his explanation, he proceeded to take a crack at vegetarians, before one of my classmates piped up that I actually was a vegetarian. *footmouth*

I didn’t really think too much of it until later that day, when students who weren’t in my section started coming up to me and asking me if I had “really said that stuff.” Apparently he mentioned a crazy vegetarian girl in both of his other sections. I don’t understand the concept of friending your professors on facebook, but some of the people here do, and they showed me his status, which went something like “I met a vegetarian today, and I was surprised to find out that people who care about animals actually exist.” Only at PHC.

Posting this, I already have that apprehensive feeling, knowing that I’m going to be approached in the dining hall by more eager “meatvangelists.” We’re always happy to explain why we prefer not to eat meat, but no matter how many Bible verses you throw at us, we’re not going to change..

On the same note of vegetarianism, I was also asked by a professor about my *strange* eating habits. This one, however, was a little bit kinder than Dr. Cox and his followers. Dr. Favelo curiously asked me if I was a vegan. I quickly clarified that no, unfortunately, I am not a vegan, but I do avoid the flesh of animals as well as dairy. Problem? *trollface*

Chrabby would like to make it clear that we are very sorry for not posting last week. We understand the we made a quasi-promise to post every weekend for the student body of PHC. However, there are times when promises must be broken, as homework must take priority. (We sometimes do that funny, responsible student thing). Hopefully, we’ll be able to post again this weekend (if we can get all our Western Civ studying done, the WC essay, R&W final, study for Spinney…).

Don’t forget that if you have any Spinneyisms, Favelisms, epic stories, or anything suggestions of what you’d like to see on the blog, send them to keepcalmandstudyspinney@gmail.com. Enjoy!!!

Dear Dearest Dan

We are sorry. Chrabby apologizes immensely for our tragic acts against you. We promise, we swear, we commit, we are obligated....yes. The new blog post will be out by the end of the day.

Forgive us

Elections! SPINNEY TESTS?? Wait...they dance here?

If you ever thought that voting in presidential elections was a big deal, clearly you have never experienced the PHC senate elections. It’s impossible to walk anywhere on campus without someone stopping you and accosting you with the overused phrase, “WHO ARE YOU VOTING FOR?” I quickly learned the easy fix to this problem that kept everyone semi happy. “Sorry, I don’t vote.” It disappointed many, but at least I didn’t have to pick and choose between different people and risk getting hazed if y decision didn’t satisfy absolutely everyone. Chrabby did, however, endorse someone for Senate. The lucky recipient of our fabulous recommendation was none other than Brodi. DUTY, HONOR, JUSTICE!!!!

The best part came later, though. We were coming back from dinner, look up onto the wall of our lobby and realize that our fabulously kissed-up poster has disappeared. We were at a completely loss as to who would have been as cruel to remove our trophy from our very own dorm. The nerve! And to add insult to injury, a new, clean poster was put up later the same day. We mourned the loss.

But wait! A few days later, I find out that no, our poster had not been cruelly stolen. It hadn’t been censored. Our blatant endorsement had not disappeared forever from us. It now hangs on the door of its rightful owner J Say hello to the freshman legends, thank yaaa.

                Freshman dance? Well that sounds….incredibly homeschooled. Swing dancing?.......NO HOUSE MUSIC? – My thoughts before the famous Freshman Dance of PHC. Not going to lie, I was FRIGHTENED. But I was determined to face the challenge head on. I donned my highest heels, and Chrabby set off for the dance. And who would have thought? We had a GREAT time. Never in my life have I experienced a dancing event where the guys were better dancers than the girls. But hey, I’m thankful for it. (terrible dancer right here.)

When people told me that freshman year was going to be a whirlwind, I don’t think they knew how right they were. Having the freshman dance and a Spinney test in the space of three days was kind of a crazy idea. That weekend contained very little sleep, and a lot of coffee, but as far as I know, our class didn’t suffer any casualties.

A little background: For the past two or three years, I can remember periodically seeing facebook statuses from my PHC friends that contained some combination of the words “Spinney, death, caffeine, and fml.” Not planning on going to PHC, I’d never really paid them much attention. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I feel like I’ve always just innately known that Spinney tests are a big deal.

Flash forward to this week: I never thought that I would be the one posting the desperate Spinney status, and frantically calling my parents the night before to tell them to pray for me. Wow – what a cliché PHC kid I’ve become in the space of a month. (But at least I never succumbed to the whole ‘white board’ craze. I’d say that will never happen, but seeing as I’m here right now, I don’t have much success with statements like that.) The one amazing thing about Spinney tests is that everyone on campus knows what you’re going through. It was a weekend of hugs, prayers, encouraging text messages, coffee from RAs, and chocolate from wing-mates.

When the day of the test finally arrived it was almost surreal. Everyone kind of walked around in a daze that morning, unable to believe that test day was finally here, and muttering about the differences between Spanish and British colonies to themselves under their breath. Normally the whole business casual thing is pretty fun; it forces you to look good at school, instead of throwing on sweats and a baseball cap and looking like a total slob like I tended to do at community college. But some days…specifically the ones with 8am tests, it would just be way easier to wear jeans and a hoodie than to try to put together some kind of outfit. Another great thing about Spinney tests is that when you show up in slacks, a sweater, and a ponytail, people understand. Desperate times call for desperate measures, people. That may or may not include showering the night before, and not doing anything with your hair. To the people who managed to look cute on Monday, I can’t decide whether to hate you or worship you.

In the end, we all survived, and are probably better for the experience. And I think for the most part, it wasn’t as bad as we all thought it was going to be. Congrats everyone, we made it! Time to go outline next week’s Spinney lecture. The next one will be here before we know it, and we’ll get to do it all over again. If I start outlining on a whiteboard, someone please have an intervention.

Don't forget to check for updates on the Spinneyism/Favelism/Chrabby ism pages frequently! And also, if you have a funny story, cool picture, Favelism/Spinneyism of your own, request -- send it to keepcalmandstudyspinney@gmail.com and we'll do what we can to get it on the blog for you :)

I hope you all are doing your homework and studying for that LOGIC TEST! (and not spending all your time reading and cracking up over a new My Hair Is Dress Code post ^__^ )

-- <3 Chrabby

Hello all PHC freshmen! (and other students, if you care to take a look :) )

Hi there!

I definitely just typed and erased about six different intros to start this out. Where do I begin? Maybe an introduction? This blog is going to be run by two different people. The person behind the keys at this very second is me :) Christina. My other half, Gabrielle, will be writing a portion of this post, down there VV. But as for me:

I'm from Sparta, New Jersey. I don't say Joisey (New Yorkers talk like that), but I do say cawfee, draw, and tawk. I'm anticipating a Government major (possibly IPP) at PHC. I like to blog, but unfortunately haven't been able to much lately due to a computer that decided to, you know, crack its own screen (all by itself, of course) and render it unusable until I got it fixed....a month into school. Yes, I worked without a computer. YES it was hard. YES I hand wrote my papers. *CREDIT PLEASE* But I have it back, so we are finally launching the best blog to ever hit the Internet. 

To be brutally honest, I was not expecting to like PHC very much. It was definitely the place God was sending me, but it did not happen without a fight. I was prepared for the worst.  And my first week was DEFINITELY a rough transition. First problem? Dress code. Now I knew about PHC's dress code. I signed a contract. But being dress coded every day for the first week? Not fun at all. Unfortunately, some of my clothes have been retired. But the BEST part of dress code: my hair. What is wrong with my hair, you ask? I SAY NOTHING. But according to some authorities and enforcers of PHC's incredibly high, yet subjective standards, my hair was cutting it close to being out of dress code. I guess no one else has a black stripe in their bangs? No? Either way, I was allowed to keep my hair the way it was, but it sure makes for a great story. Thus, the blog has been named.

The purpose of this blog is this: we want to capture the TRUE experience of PHC. What better way to do that than have two students write it? We will be posting a collection of our own stories, but we also accept submissions if you have something awesome to add. (You can send them to keepcalmandstudyspinney@gmail.com) Also, if you have any Spinneyisms or Favelisms, send them in as well! Any tips on what you'd like to see are always welcome. We plan to put out a blog post every Saturday, probably around noon. 

I’m Gabrielle, the other resident blonde. {{Just to clarify, Christina and I are not twins, sisters, or old friends; we met on Skype a week before orientation, just like everybody else.}} Luckily, I’m just straight blonde through and through, so the legality of my hair has never been in question. Clothes are a different story. I knew stuff was bad when I got asked to change out of the longest pair of shorts that I own. And it was the third time I’d been dress coded that day. [In my defense, they were completely dress code shorts. But apparently they got shorter when I sat down or something. At that point you don’t even ask, you just roll with it, go put pants on and hide out in your dorm.] I used to think my parents were strict, but that was before I came to PHC. At home I didn’t really have a dress code or a curfew. Here I stayed out too late and used one of my 10 allotted curfew passes on the second night of freshman orientation (yeah, before school even started). Probably not one of the smartest things I’ve ever done, but I was still in the process of getting used to having to be in by a certain time. What can I say? I typically make my own rules. But I’m working on getting used to it here.

I’m from the state of New Mexico, where the air isn’t half water, and nobody knows what a “bug bite” is. I’m basically the typical homeschooled kid who decided to ditch mom and dad and get my share of apathy at community college before coming here [where *gasp!* we DO actually have to do the assigned reading!] Funny story, I always swore that I would never go to Patrick Henry College. I almost didn’t even apply. And when I did, I sent an essay on South Park as my writing sample, just to see what would happen. Also, under the section in which we could make the admissions committee aware of any “special circumstances,” I told them that I was actually Lady Gaga. The only explanation for why I’m here is that God has some kind of crazy plan that I don’t know about yet. Guess I’ll find out.

Over our first week together, Christina and I discovered that we had a lot in common. A couple of them were that we both love to study outside, and we’re also terrified of spiders. [Those turned out to be a bad combination.] We got into the habit of studying on the patio outside of D2, and actually got nicknamed the “Lions of Monticello.” The thing neither of us knew is that this campus is literally crawling with spiders. We can generally keep our heads around spiders, unless they startle us, or get too close for comfort. Once there was a big one in the lobby of our dorm, and luckily a security guard happened to be walking by and was willing to kill it for us. A few nights later we’d noticed a spider coming uncomfortably close, and walked to the other side of the patio while someone killed it. After they went inside we looked back at the pile of books we’d left on the ground, only to see an even bigger spider crawling over the keyboard of my laptop. Needless to say, we definitely broke the whole “quiet hour” rule. Three security guards came running over, and rescued the laptop. [In case anyone was wondering, you are safe on this campus. Security is on it!] The next morning in class, the girl sitting next to me asked if I had heard the commotion last night. Apparently a couple girls outside were screaming bloody murder, and security had come out, just to find out that it was all because of a bug. I said they couldn’t have been screaming that loud, because I didn’t hear a thing.

During our first week, and by first week we mean Orientation, we discovered something that we had never experience before. Back home at our respective community college, we would sit wherever we wanted in the cafeteria, and my friends would come sit with us. Here, not so. After going a few days wondering why no one would sit with us, we were told something very educational by the upperclassmen of PHC. There is a loser side of the dining hall, and apparently we always sat in it. We quickly learned to NEVER sit there again. It's bad enough that they serve alligator meat, let alone make you worry about where you sit...

A couple weeks ago, we had our first brother/sister wing event. It was actually the first time we found out who was even in our brother wing, and I guess that our RAs have a “if you make a low first impression it can only go up” kind of mindset, because the event turned out to be having breakfast together at IHOP at 8am on a Saturday morning. When we stumbled out of our room at 7:59, in sweatpants, hoodies, and bed hair, we were a little embarrassed that all of the guys seemed showered and groomed. Great first meeting. As we sat at IHOP and waited for the waitress to bring our coffee, one of them even asked us why we looked so tired. [[Guys, not an awesome opening line, just for future reference!]] But once we had caffeine in our systems we were ready to have some fun, and we decided to tell the waiters that it was one of our brothers’ birthday just to mess with him. So we snuck over and pointed out the guy, and managed to sit back down at the table with mostly straight faces. In a few minutes the IHOP crew came over, holding some kind of breakfast version of birthday cake, and ready to sing. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to us, it actually was one of our other brothers’ birthday! So the cake and song quickly got redirected to the actual birthday guy, as we sat and watched in shocked confusion. In the end it was all good; even though our joke completely backfired, hopefully it made the actual birthday guy happy. And we kinda basically deserve “favorite sisters” status for that one.

If you haven't noticed, there are two links up above this post titled "Spinneyisms," "Favelisms," and "Chrabby-isms." You may have already guess what these are and investigated them, but if you have not, HAVE A CLICK. They are pages dedicated to quotes that we deem worthy. Obviously, Drs. Spinney and Favelo are worth quoting any given day, but why, do you ask, have we been so vain as to add our own ism? It is simply because: we think we are funny, and we want to share that with you :)